The "Check Your Wallet" light is on

So, I own a Death Machine. Some would call it a car, I would call it a Machine of Death. In the past six months, I have had "check engine" lights, "check brake" lights, "check your face" lights, "check the weather" lights, etc. go on and off at the most inopportune times. On top of that, I am pretty certain that I am solely responsible for the Nation's economic success with the amount of Money I put into my gas tank almost every day. I think it might be cheaper to stuff twenties in the engine and see how she runs.

So, today, I went out to my car and noticed that my front tire had a, for lack of a better word, tire tumor. So I took it to the tire doctors and apparently I had hit a moon crater, large animal, or run off of a cliff without realizing it, leaving my tire in utter desolation. And, as all mechanics do, these told me that if I did not take immediate action, my Machine of Death would live up to its name in mere minutes. Luckily, I have a spare, and unluckily, it has apparently been used before. A lot. Once again, since I am a a girl, and therefore obviously vehicular ignorant, the urgency of the situation is impressed upon me: "Ma'am, if we don't replace these tires with the new $800 X-5000 model, your car could explode at any point in time, and that's the truth."

This wouldn't be such a problem, save that I drive a Lexus. And like everything, even the cupholders, Lexus tires are extra fancy. After all, the point of owning a Lexus is just so you can say, "Hey, look at my tires. They're extra fancy." I could buy about 9,000 boxes of Lucky Charms for the amount of money I would a set of tires, and let me tell you, I would much rather buy some Lucky Charms and some rubber cement and fashion some new tires myself.