Good News: My Brother Does NOT Smoke Weed

My mom and I were out shopping the other day (yes, my mother and I do get along that well), and arrived back home a litle late. Everyone's cars were at home when we arrived, but when we got inside, we couldn't find anyone. We were yelling, looking around outside, etc, but my brother and step-father had just vanished. I was convinced that the rapture had occured (or perhaps some freaky 4400-style abduction), and that my mom and I had been left as the last two people on the planet (no, we don't get along that well).

Finally, I called my brother's cell phone and he answered, "We're in the upstairs exercise room" and hung up. Needless to say, we sprinted up the stairs (my mom won-I'm so out of shape) to see what could be so captivating. My house is organized so that you can see into the back room from the top of the stairs, but it's still several feet away. Something you should know is that the upstairs exercise room is code for "Lindsay's storage space". So, the first thing I noticed is that the room was filled with smoke, and my immediate thought was, "Well, shoot, my stuff has all caught on fire." Then I hear C-man (my step-dad) let out a howling laugh and my thoughts changed to, "Well, shoot, my family is a bunch of pot heads."

Suddenly, C-man comes storming toward the stairs holding Colby (one of our 5,000 Cats) out in front of him. The Cat is covered ear to paw with pink fuzzy stuff. I thought she had been part of a Muppet Show audition until I entered the back room and saw that there were three gaping holes in the wall. As it turns out, there had been some A/C repairmen in the house earlier, and they had gone up into the attic. Colby (who used up about 4 of her lives that day), thought that it would be a great idea to help out with the repairs and climbed up into the attic, where she got hopelessly trapped.

C-man said he was outside when he heard her meowing and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Before too long, they realized she was IN THE WALLS, and began sawing into the drywall (away from the meows, okay? They weren't trying to decapitate her...I don't think) to get her out. After face-fulls of insulation and reaching into the great unknown that lives behind the walls, my brother and C-man realized they were close. Finally, on the third hole (which happens to be in the cieling), Colby pops out her head and is like, "Hey, what took you guys so long?"

Colby hasn't even been upstairs since the incident, and the holes are still in my walls. The moral of the story is always have plenty of soap in your bathrooms. Or something like that.