The Plague

In recent weeks, a disease has swept across the better part of North Texas without mercy. My Family (including an extra aunt and cousin) spent a Somewhat Merry Christmas freaking out about why the Chicken Enchilada Casserole hadn't been started yet and who unplugged the Lights for crying out loud, that jerk across the street is totally outdoing us, and we have a Reputation to protect!! Then we frolicked in the Kitchen until our hands were sore and our frustrations were intolerable, and enjoyed much Unwrapping and Ridiculously Frivolous Eating.

After a few days of digestion and waiting for the excitement of the new Wierd Tool for Egg White Extraction to wear off, we had a family Wedding to attend. In the middle of the service, right as we were beginning Holy Communion, my Aunt stands up (I thought to rush the Altar and get first dibs on the Bread of Life...I was wrong) and excuses herself. I soon learned that the Evil Stomach Virus has made her digestive system very angry. Luckily, the Wedding was what some would call "swank," and the restroom at the reception place had a freaking Couch. Not like the couch-like structures at Starbuck's, a couch that puts the one in my living room to shame. And my Aunt curled up in the fetal position on the couch. In the bathroom.

Before long, my Step-Dad was complaining of somach cramps, and it became all too apparent that this Evil Stomach Virus would get you if you were within 2 miles of someone infected. And it got all of us. And most of the world. We went through two bottles of Pepto Bismol, eighteen cans of Seven Up, and four Saltine Crackers between the family.

The Plague rose up with a vengeance in me just after a Cavity Filling. My friends, it is not a fun situation to be afflicted with a Stomach Disorder when half of your face is numb. I won't elaborate, but you can picture it. After losing seven pounds and going to the restroom a record ninety-seven times in forty-eight hours, I managed to eat a Bowl of Lucky Charms. And it was delicious.