Pack It In

Tomorrow my brother, my mother and I are leaving for a Grand European Adventure across three weeks and three Countries. I love travelling and it is going to be a great trip, but the funny part right now is the Packing Process.

I'm not a great packer. I'll admit this up front. I'll usually throw a few things in a backpack, knowing that my travelling Companions will lend me their shampoo, soap, and toothpaste in my times of need. My mother, however, will pack enough to support a small Czechoslovakian village for six months. It's as if we won't be near any sort of civilization that might have things like Pregnancy Tests or Sunglasses or other things necessary to Human Existence. She reasons with herself as she packs: What if we need to dress up for something? (four extra outfits, complete with shoes) What if you get a blister? (three cartons of Band-Aids and a seven-pack of Neosporin). What if your Aunt ends up staying in my room? (a bottle of brandy, earplugs, and six novels with Fabio on the front). What if we get kidnapped by terrorists? (an emergency life raft, three cans of mace, and seven Rice Krispie Treats--you know, for sustenance).

As you can imagine, this results in a HUGE suitcase. One in which, if we were looking for some extra cash, we could quite easily smuggle a struggling migrant family into Germany. But I admit that I am glad she packs so much, because I will inevitably forget something essential, like Underwear, and whe will have forseen my lapse in preparedness and have packed six extra pair. God bless the woman.

Letter of Recommendation

Many of you know that I am planning on going to Law School in the near future. To prepare for my applications, I have been asking for letters of recommendation. What follows is such a "letter" from one of my old teachers and new colleagues this year who is a close friend of the family. I'm glad it wasn't his real letter.


To Whom It May Concern:

I have known Lindsay for more or less 10 years not counting the various periods of absences when she was serving time at the Big Thompson Correctional Institute in Butte, MT. She's not a big gal but she can sure beat the hell out of anyone who gets in her way. Is that a plus in the legal profession? Well, that's what got her in the trouble the first two times. The others had to do with something called "controlled substances" if you know what I mean. We all wondered how a first year teacher could belong to the Mercedes of the Month Club. She used her brilliant reasoning powers to get a lighter sentence. She got three to five. The judge got one green and one tan Mercedes.

In school Lindsay got top grades in all of her classes. She wasn't the brightest bulb in the box but when it came to lying, cheating, stealing tests, and coercion using a sharp instrument she had no equal. No one knows for sure why the top student in her English, Chemistry, and Calculus classes "disappeared" in the summer between her junior and senior years. Bottom line is she moved up from being ranked eighth to a rank of fourth. Is that a plus in the legal profession?

Lindsay has been deeply involved in community work such as trail building. It really was keen that she would sow up periodically with trailer loads of treated lumber and other building materials. Everyone wondered why we had to meet her on the back side of Lake Fannin in the wee hours of the morning to unload the stuff, but no one argued with "The Linz." Is that a plus in the legal profession?

Finally, Lindsay has been involved in missionary work in Central America and various inner city projects. She unselfishly gave of her time and energy never expecting anything in return. However, I did notice that approximately 14.5 square miles of primeval rain forest, complete with Mayan temples, was being offered for sale in the Dallas News. The ad just said: Wait at the bus stop in the 300 block of west Commerce Street until 4:00 pm. A twentyish lady will approach from the east carrying a small brown canvas bag. Do not look directly at her but clearly say "Linz Land." Place the five million in the bag as she sits waiting at the other end of the bench.

It is rumored that her mother can get you clear title in either Nicaragua or Colombia.

So what we have here is a young lady with brains, connections, no morals and a Hillary Clinton attitude about getting where she wants to go whatever the consequences. Her motto, "Damn the ethics, full speed ahead!" pretty well sums it all up. I would not hesitate to recommend her to any college anywhere. In fact, I would be scared not to.

Somewhat sincerely,

MV